Ready or Not - NCLEX Looms

As I find myself nearing the point of no return as regards the dreaded NCLEX-RN Test Beast, I feel as though two separate persons are emerging from within.

The first person, as you likely guessed, is confident, eager to take on this exam. She's studied her fool head off and is ready to tell that Beast where he can go. (The use of the male pronoun is strictly coincidental, and should in no way suggest that this author believes the male species is Beastly.) The other person is trembling with fear, knowing it is do-or-die time, the Mother of All Tests is at hand, and she doesn't feel the least bit prepared...

How can this be? How can two entirely different persons take up residence in the same crazy head? Perhaps the caffeine is beginning to get to me. Maybe I've finally reached such toxic levels that I no longer see things so clearly anymore. Or maybe I just over think things too much and should get a life....

Nevertheless, the time is quickly approaching, and for those of you who have studied for this exam (or are currently preparing to take it), you know how nauseating it can be to even think about answering just one more question. I've read and answered so many multiple choice questions, they've leached into my real life. Now I can no longer ask ordinary questions, such as asking my son what he wants on his bagel. Now I have to format the question something like this: 

"My dear son, what would you like on your bagel?"

a) butter
b) cream cheese
c) plain
d) raise head of bed 30 degrees to avoid aspiration

See what I mean. This is ridiculous.
It just occurred to me that I use that word "ridiculous" in every blog. Must mean I like it or something. Speaking of my fondness for that word, I once overheard a woman telling her husband she thought those "red balls (at Target store entrance) are ridiculous." This is a true story. Man, am I DYING to write a blog on that!  What would make someones life so sad that they would utter such a pathetic statement? The red balls are awesome! But once again, I digress.

So in case you hadn't already figured it out, I'm blogging to avoid studying, because if I have to look at one more NCLEX question, I think I'm going to hurl. Which means it really must be time for a break.

Think I'll tear myself away from The Beast preparation, drive over to Target and hurl insults at those red balls.